The Ticking of a Clock

I want to show
This clock of mine
To you,
But so much of me
S
C
R
E
A
M
S
Restraint.
I want to expose the
Inner workings;
So intricate;
So complicated.
Each piece
Has
A
Purpose,
A function
For which it exists.
Individually,
The parts do not
Make
Sense.
Each level is
Convoluted¬–
Esoteric.
As you plunge
D
E
E
P
E
R
Into the interworkings
Of this clock of mine,
Less
And
Less
Becomes pretty.
More
And
More
Becomes unsightly.
And if you
Care enough
To reach its core–
The very escense
Of its ticking,
You will then grasp
The reasons for my
Vacillation about exposing
This
Seemingly
Normal
Clock of mine
To
You.
7-12-11

Intrigue

Expectation dangerously deceives.
He sets you up for failure,
For disappointment,
For regret.
He impinges undesired reactions
Biochemically within.
And for what?
The good of feeling is minute,
For bliss is momentary.
He causes discontent
Which inevitably fades into numbness.

Queen

This world passes me by
Moving ever so speedily
And I remain two steps behind
In the shadows.
Numbing contempt
Beckons my being
Encapsulating my fibers of ice.
I am the Snow Queen.

Disabled

Pour out of me,
like a vase of water
These petals onto the ground.
Filling empty space
Line by line.
Confusion admist beauty–
Chaos amongst order.
How to arrange
These words of emotion
In a manner
of comprehension?
Can you see
The meaning of these petals
As they fall–
As the flutter
Towards the surface?
Or are you the same
And pass them by?
Pass me by–
Misunderstanding.
Blind
And
Deaf.
6-28-11

More of the Usual

I am an ice sculpture
That rarely melts.
Not even a drop
Escapes my being.
You can see me,
But you wont see me.
Look through me –
A distorted image
Will be apparent.
Chisle away–
You can try.
You will give up
Once you see
The pointlessness
In your efforts.
Fret not,
For others have come before,
And attempted the same,
And walked away.
It’s all the same.
6-28-11

Purpose

I am learning to love.
Show me your heart,
Show me what it means
To be cared for.
Going through life
Feeling and knowing
Not of these things–
I have no example.
Only do I have dreams
Of what should be.
I belong to no one.
Though, I know –
I am yours.
Teach me
What it feels like
To
Matter.
6-28-11

Nomads

Break me down
for you to shine.
Help me let go.
Melt me.
Mend me.
Teach me.
Guide me.
This whirlwind
Throws me in
Directions unalike.
I don’t know
Where
To go.
I don’t know
Where
I
Belong.
Am I a nomad,
Meant not to have stability?
Meant not to find
My other half?
I yearn for much.
I long for direction,
As I wander aimelessly.
6-28-11

Her Conscience

She tells her to keep fighting,
She tells her she isn’t enough.
She tells her to keep going,
She tells her she is tough.

She tells her she’s not perfect.
She calls herself a joke.
She calls herself an imposter,
A toy that is broke.

She remains there, unnoticed,
Behind the dust and cob,
Of unending solitude,
Amongst an endless mob.

She whispers softly, sweetly;
The truths no one will tell,
Of hidden faults and failures,
A hidden life of hell.

Times, there are, when all is fine,
Chills numb her to the bone,
And the voices disappear,
Facades, she does condone.

Lasting content ne’er lingers,
She surfaces, somewhere.
With screaming words–mandatos,
With whom she need compare.

The torment never ceases,
When will it be enough?
Just a broken toy,
Or a di’mond in the rough?
7-11-11

Heavy Heart

Heavy heart
Pull me down.
Tug my entitiy
In opposite directions.
Make me numb.
Make me feel.
Hot.
Cold.
Up.
Down.
Left.
Right.
Spin.
Stop.
Run.
Hide.
What to do?
What to believe?
Your promises–
My lies–
My faults–
Tug at this heavy heart.
6-28-11

Desire

It grows in the night
Amidst the ebony skies.
Organically flowing–
Ascending.
Descending.
Swaying.
Warmth
Passion
Lust
Greed.
Ascending.
Descending.
Swaying.
The flames burn,
With crimson elegance.
Ascending.
Descending.
Swaying.
Caution is advised.
It seduces.
It captivates.
Pulling you in,
Like a fisherman’s line–
Unable to be freed.
Do not touch the flames.
You will be
Burned.
Incinerated.
Destroyed.
And question not,
For you will be seen.
Fight it.
Hide it.
Smother the flames
Into oblivion.
-6/24/11

I am nowhere

I am the shadow
Of their group.
I am the unseen guide
Directing the directionless.
I am airless, though drowning.
I am a surface,
Never a filling.
People may see me–
No one will know me.
Pass me by;
For I will be
Just as invisible
As when I came.

A Beautiful Statue

Vulnerability–is her name.
She hides in the darkness–
No one can see her.
No one can hear her.
Touch her, and she will
Vanish.
Let her talk, and she will
Fade.
Broken–is her name.
She lives locked inside.
Her box keeps the pieces
Of her entity together.
Find the key, unlock her door,
And watch the shattered glass
Fall.
Complacent–is her name.
Neither here nor there;
She is an ameba
Clinging to what is around.
Transforming.
Is she real?
Or is she just who they
Want her to be?
A beautiful statue.
-6/23/22

Show me

My needs are many;
My battle is great.
Can you see it?
Can you see me?
Do you hear my scream,
From the pit of my soul?
I can’t feel you.
I can’t see you.
Are you there?
I need a sign.
I need your guidance.
You know my heart
As it is.
Do you still love me?
Am I still good enough
For your grace?
Please,
Speak
To
Me;
For my needs are many,
And my battle is great.
-6/23/11

Devour

Numbing chills
Consume my being.
Is this real?
Is this what I will know
Forever?
Caught in this
Ever sinking quick sand–
I can not move,
Or it will
Overtake me.
Devour me.
Consume me.
At times, I can feel it–
Breathing down my back;
Whispering into my ear,
“Drown it all out.”
“Shut it all out.”
“Feeling nothing.”
This battle, I am loosing–
As numbing chills
Consume my being.
-6/23/11

Hidden Remains

There is a weight, admist
This ocean of the unseen.
It tears at me,
Beckoning me in opposite directions.
It weighs me down–
This sea of regret.
This sea of pain.
The waves are crashing
Towards the shore,
Where no boats are found.
Skeletal remains of ships
Past journeys, whisper
From the depths of
An untold world.
They waver in the tide’s current.
They are one; and yet,
They have no identity.
The are unknown.
-6/23/11